Until I began schooling my own kids, I thought I hated math. I also thought I was not very good at it. I am unsure why I believed this about myself, but I did. I figured I could get my kids through their first few years of math and then I would do video courses or hire a tutor to help them muddle though until I could send them to community college for higher math. That was my solid plan.

And then I began to ask questions. I asked the smartest people I knew about math, and they were so happy to answer my questions and direct me to sites like the Kahn Academy and toward fun methods of learning math that made me realize something exciting. I am good at math. At least, I’m very good at traditional methods. And then I discovered something else. Math, like any subject, unless there is something else going on learning-wise, is all about methods of learning, and patience with oneself as one goes through the process of figuring out how to soak in the concepts. It’s not actually about memorizing math facts (although that is a huge part of what kids do in the younger grades). It’s about understanding what those math facts actually MEAN. And I do know what they mean. I just don’t really care if I remember what 9+8 = in under 3 seconds. I’m okay with thinking to myself, 9+1=10, and 8-1=7, and 7+10=17. It takes me longer, like 2 seconds longer, than the person who just memorized the fact, but I like my way better. I am confident in my way. It is not how my mother taught me, but it is my bullet-proof way. I like it.

When I was not confident in my math skills, I made a huge mistake. Rather than asking the aforementioned smart people which math method they found most helpful as a child, I asked other home school moms who were ALSO struggling through the math curriculum maze. Instead of asking people who knew, I asked those who knew about as much as I did. That is how I found Singapore Math. Just an aside, I’m not about bashing Singapore Math. I’m about bashing myself for not understanding my psychological math issues sooner and for giving in to fear, like trembling knight in the face of a fire-breathing dragon who runs away, and is made crispy and consumed. I had to gird up my loins, wield my sword, think straight, and go into battle with this clever for like the smart person I know I am. (I think a psychologist would call this “dealing with my issues,” but that sounds so boring and lame. I’d way rather use weapons and kill stuff like dragons! LOL!).

Singapore Math looked awesome. It uses number bonds for some things, and I discovered that I had been using number bonds since childhood without even knowing it. I felt kind of smart all of a sudden because Singapore math is supposedly smart. But the problem I had with the Singapore approach to math is that it does not allow a child to figure out math methods on their own, the way each thinks individually. Instead, it teaches several methods and requires that a child become competent with each, even if their minds do not comply with that particular method AND their minds have already fixed on another method that works nicely to get the same answer. Now, I am no math genius, but I do think that children are brilliant. I also think that once a kid figures out how to do, say addition, by a particular method, they stick with that method out of convenience. Minds work that way. So teaching a child math is nothing more than helping them figure out which method works best for them. This should take a few days of one-on-one work with a child, not several months of boring, tedius, minuscule step by minuscule step practice until one finally reaches the goal of addition…which said child already figured out on day 1 of the unit (again, unless there are some learning issues in the way). My little Bird skip counts her way through addition and multiplication somehow, and she also likes my mom’s “count back” method for addition. So she thinks, 9+8, well, 8 – count-back-1 = 7, so 17 and checks it by saying 8+9 = 8, 10, 12, 14, 16 and one more is 17. What the heck? It works for her.  This never worked for me. She loves both of these ways. Singapore didn’t teach this method. They didn’t teach The little Bird’s odd skip-counting method. They taught about 5 other methods that she didn’t see the point in wrapping her mind around. She already had a method that worked, so why change? She suddenly went from loving math to hating it. She hated number bonds. She had solved the 2nd-grade problem at age 5 in 2 seconds by her own method while using a single number bond for the same problem took her 10 minutes. It bored her to distraction. She didn’t see the point in it when her was is faster for her. And after struggling through 3 grades of Singapore, trusting that Singapore knew better that I, spending over an hour each day on math, dreading the next day because it contained math, I don’t see the point either. We’ve gone back to the math curriculum I learned from, the curriculum that took 3 of my mother’s children to Calculus and beyond. The curriculum that landed 4 of her children in respectable colleges, getting great grades, 2 ending up with several degrees beyond a bachelor’s degree, and all basically ending up with great jobs and fulfilling lives, the curriculum I cut my kindergartner’s math teeth on. We are back to Abeka.

While I was discussing my Singapore woes with my mother, she said something so simple. I was explaining my fears about traditional math programs, my concerns that maybe my kids would not do well in math if I didn’t use the latest and greatest, showing her the various weird, confusing methods Singapore kids use to figure out simple math facts, and she looked at me with a stern, kind of angry, look and said, “All of my children are brilliant and do amazing in math, even you, although you don’t know it, and *I* am terrible at math and taught it to you despite that, but traditional math gives you freedom to breathe. People just don’t like it because it is not the newest thing. You are causing my grandchildren to hate math and to be bad at it.”

My mother is always right.

I think there are probably a lot of home school kids who will thrive in Singapore. Maybe their mothers are far more math minded than I am and so can better explain the concepts that confused me. But it is not for me and it’s not for my kids. What I do know is that the moment my Abeka math books arrived, my children snapped from hating math to loving it – in one moment. I am not exaggerating. They hugged their books to them and ran to do several lessons without prompting. They love math. They just hate Singapore. They are amazing at math. They are just not amazing at the various Singapore methods.

I also believe Singapore Math-type curricula might be valuable in a large classroom where a teacher has to help children with many learning styles learn one subject, but can’ t possibly give one-on-one attention to each child, and there is little parent skill and/or involvement at home to help the process along. With a curriculum like Singapore, hopefully each child will recognize a method that works for him/her, and math happiness will be achieved in the end.

So lesson learned. It’s not about the curriculum you use in home school. It’s about finding the right book at the right time that teaches a particular child in the way they need to be taught. This is not necessarily an easy task! However, in my search for math books, I have found that there are really two categories of math out there: traditional math and new math. I don’t mean new math in the derogatory sense where 1+1 doesn’t equal 2, I mean new math like Singapore where you don’t memorize math facts, but instead memorize number bonds one day, cube sticks the next and number disks the next and then you somehow have to remember each of these methods for each math problem in a series in a work book and use each proficiently. And you are required to use the methods they way you are told to use them rather than use the one that jives best with your mind. I honestly believe that kids who really thrive on math may love new math methods. They may love the puzzle of figuring out 9+8 by seven different methods. My kids are not into math taking up their entire day like this. They like the traditional way where you just get it done the best way you know how and move on with life.

Now, many people have asked me, “Aren’t you worried about how they will do on standardized testing? You know that Singapore will help them score higher.” Huh? First of all, I don’t know that Singapore will make my child score higher. I actually doubt this statement. It makes no sense to me that a curriculum that causes my children to hate math will help them to score higher on some test of their arithmetic skills. Second, why would I have my child tested? I know how they are doing in math and language arts because I school them and supervise their lessons every single day. Why should I care to line the pockets of big business testing corporations by participating in state testing? Why would I put my kids through the stress of testing? How about this: you put your child into that testing room, and we’ll spend that time romping through the wild flowers in a peaceful valley, soaking in sunlight and breathing in the fresh air. Call me an unschooler, but when faced with two choices, 1.) to allow some large corporation to gather information about my child for the purpose of comparing him/her to others, and then selling that information to the government, and 2.) doing anything but allowing some large corporation to gather information about my child for the purpose of comparing him/her to others, and then selling that information to the government, I’ll choose the later. No thank you, testing. We’ll wait for SAT’s and college entrance exams, exams that may actually benefit my kids.

Now, I’m not saying that Abeka is the best curriculum for math. I expect that some kids will hate it. I am saying that it is worth a home school’s while to search until they find what their children love, even if it is not the most popular curriculum. Let your kid’s attitude toward the subject be your guide. They should not generally be bored or sad while working on a subject. They should be happy, challenged, and they should thrive.

So here’s the most valuable thing I’ve learned after home schooling 3 kids over the past 3 years: If your kid hates a school subject, you have the wrong curriculum. Plain and simple. Children are brilliant, and they love to learn. Here’s the next most valuable thing I’ve learned over the past 3 years: If school takes you more hours than the child’s grade level, you have the wrong curriculum. In other words, it shouldn’t take my child 5 hours to barely finish one day of school when she is only in the 3rd grade. It should take her absolutely no more than 3. These are my new home school rules to live by.

And with the dragon vanquished, all is peaceful and beautiful once again!