So it’s come to this

This is the 5th day that Popi and Miss Bunny and Grandaddy are out of the state on a business trip, day 5 of cancelled extracurriculars, day 5 of realizing that my psychotherapy sessions (AKA dance classes) have been cancelled, and day 5 of snow. Is there even a virus happening, because none of the virus issues are affecting us – yet. Wilderness people are so used to living in isolation and having everything they need on hand, so we are used to hoarding every time we grocery shop. We already homeschool. Our jobs are already online and have been for years. I do run a rental, but it’s kind of business as usual there.

So we basically have first-world problems over here. We are complaining that our Popi is out earning money. We are complaining that we miss our Bunny Boo, who is having a blast being spoiled with Popi and Grandaddy time. We are complaining that we we have too many paper towels and they keep on falling out of the bin we store them in, because I stocked up weeks ago as part of my normal shopping trip. We are complaining that we cannot go to dance class, Little League, fencing, theater rehearsals, I am complaining that the fabric store has closed…so much complaining.

That’s it! Go outside and sled! Let’s start TODAY being grateful, kid-os! I KNOW it’s 8:00am. Yes, I know it’s normally Bible time. Let’s skip our reading today and instead go out and thank the Lord for the snow we have been blessed with! Let’s be mindful of and thankful for what we eat today, because we don’t know how long stores will be open, and let’s thank God for the fact that we had our second corned beef meal last night. Let’s have great joy in the Lord for providing us with a freezer full of meat and veggies, can after can of our favorite fixings, fresh produce, enough money so that I can be vegan and everyone else can indulge in each of their special food preferences. Let’s be so grateful that even though, in our house, we have suffered the effects of a sickness in our lungs for almost 3 months now, we have enough cough medicine and Albuterol to make it almost unnoticeable. And we have the money to get more when we need it. Let’s stop being worried and self-absorbed in the unknown and begin to live the known.

Here’s the thing: When we are intentionally thankful, it clears our minds of worry, and gives us the space to meditate on God. Meditating on God aligns our souls to listen to our assignment from God. We cannot know that a friend needs us to write a letter of encouragement when we are busy being worried. We cannot know to ask who needs paper towels, or toilet paper, or groceries, when we are busy being worried. We do not have the eyes of Jesus when our own selves are blocking our view. We cannot have the armor of Christ when we are wearing the armor of deceit, because that is what worry really is. Worry is us opening the door of our souls wide for any deceit that might be out there. Worry is intentionally listening to the whispers of our own irrationality and the irrationality of others. So slam that soul door, look away from your self (you haven’t brushed your hair in 5 days anyway, so it’s not like there is anything great to see there! Ha!), and start living as a co-laborer of Christ in the Kingdom of Heaven. Workers on assignment in the Kingdom of Heaven barely know their selves exist. Busy yourself with helping to perfect this broken creation, particularly in a time when the creation-brokenness is pounding at the doors of our souls, begging us to allow that worry in. Don’t let it in. To deny oneself is basically that: You are slamming the door of your soul and locking it against worry and scariness, and going to have tea with God, who lives in your soul. Or coffee. I imagine God prefers coffee, since He is perfect.

Look, you are going to die anyway. It’s not something you can even begin to avoid. As Socrates once said, as he stood before the jury to present his apology, “But I thought that I ought not to do anything common or mean in the hour of danger…For neither in war nor yet at law ought any man to use every way of escaping death. For often in battle there is no doubt that if a man will throw away his arms, and fall on his knees before his pursuers, he may escape death [cowardice]; and in other dangers there are other ways of escaping death, if a man is willing to say and do anything. The difficulty, my friends, is not in avoiding death, but in avoiding unrighteousness; for that runs faster than death.”

In our family, we don’t use the word “scared” or “worried.” In fact, I am not sure I can remember my kids uttering the phrase, “I am scared.” It’s not in their vocabulary. They might say, “I hate spiders,” or “I might hurt myself if I jump from there,” but they have been taught to state facts that lead to action or refraining from action rather than to state emotions that distract from reality and rationality, and lead to worry and cowardice (we are still working on courageous behavior in the face of spiders with out oldest, so this is a work in progress. Haha!). From their infancy, we have a question we ask our kids: “What is the only thing you should fear?” They immediately answer, “God.” In this case, does fear mean that you are scared? No. It means that we should have the “fear of God.” Generally, when I refer to the “fear of God,” I think my Historical Theology professor, Dr. Henry Holloman, had a very valuable explanation of what I mean. He told us that the “fear of the Lord” means something different in different places because the Hebrew words and grammar are different in different places. In some cases, if you have the fear of the Lord, it means that you are in awe of God because you realize all that God is. In a sense, you are in awe in a “kindred spirit” kind of way. You feel that awe and are overwhelmed by that awe. You have it in your chest, as C.S. Lewis refers to “chest” (The Abolition of Man). In other cases, “fear of the Lord” means something like “what is in the chest of God,” again, as Lewis refers to “chest” in The Abolition of Man. In other cases, “fear” means the same thing as “scared,” or “worry.” When you pursue the “fear of the Lord” in the first sense, your awe at the “fear of the Lord” in the second sense is tangible, and there is no room for “fear” in the third sense. In general, then, “fear” is a relational word, and it comes from your very core, from your “chest.” “Scared” and “worry” are anti-relational words. They are words that deny that we are a reflection of God and that we can have any relationship with God, they deny our specialness and humanity as relatives of God. They are the experiences of “men without chests” (Lewis’s referent). Fear of God is engaging in a relational respect for what is, a recognition of reality, and an acknowledgment of appropriate actions in light of that reality, followed by a resolve to engage in those appropriate actions. It is to be overwhelmed with awe, inside you, around you, through you, above you, below you. Chest-ish fear is a good thing. It is purely relational, and requires a great amount of thought and discernment.

Here is a great passage to immerse yourself in for some great understanding of that second sense of the “fear of God.”

Psalm 19

The heavens declare the glory of God;
And the firmament shows His handiwork.
Day unto day utters speech,
And night unto night reveals knowledge.
There is no speech nor language
Where their voice is not heard.
Their line has gone out through all the earth,
And their words to the end of the world.

Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
Be acceptable in Your sight,
O Lord, my strength and my Redeemer.

Beings with free will to worry are constantly told to take a lesson from those things without free will, or who are not yet able to fully relate and reason. I think this is because those things flow from the insides of God. They are a reflection of His perfection and His peace and joy. Take a lesson from the ant, from the sun, from the sparrow, from the trees, from children. So get out those sneakers, and run from unrighteousness instead of death. Stop resisting the fact that you flow from the chest of God. Be like the sun. Do what you are supposed to do. Be like a child. Be perfect as God is perfect, because you are flowing from the inside of God. Get your work done without worry. Smile when you are finished. Allow your mind and soul to work together so that you will be ready to know what is right. Be a helper in the Kingdom of Heaven, slam that door to your soul, and have some coffee with God.

Read the Abolition of Man if you have not already done so.

So why did I start out talking about being grateful? Because I strongly believe that intentional gratefulness is the simplest way for us to walk to the door and slam it in the face of worry, to stick our fingers into our soul ears and scream out “I can’t hear you anymore, deceit! I am going to go over here and be a human now!” Or in the words of Jesus of Nazareth, “Get behind me, Satan!” Once we have done that, we can sit quietly and gaze at what is in front of us. At the table of our soul, the soul that is a temple of God where God is necessarily in front of our eyes, there is nothing else to do but meditate on what is now filling our chests – the fear of the Lord. In that state, whether we are alive or dead, or suffering from a strange virus, it does not matter. We are still in the same presence of God.

And be like this guy, who flows from the heart of God without knowledge of what worry is: